On Becoming an Authentic Woman

Written by Tina Popadak

You are standing in a room full of people.

Vibrant atmosphere, conversations, and noise.

Then silence.


Time stops for a few seconds as she walks in. Trying not to look at her, but can’t stop. There’s something about her. Charming, confident, comfortable – she knows who she is and she shows it. She feels real. 

It is contagious. Being around her makes you feel somehow stronger. Because she makes you feel better about yourself without even trying.

A woman who is genuine and confident is also powerful. 

And you want to know how she does it.

I’ve met her, and I’ve felt her power. Like many women, I want to be her – her strength and charm are so calming, and yet so empowering. She is everywhere, you just have to look.

Nowadays, the need to only reveal the best version of ourselves is often unbearable. With a world pushing images of “perfection” on us, it can be so easy to doubt yourself. To be comfortable and happy in our own skin is still a challenge, and true confidence is difficult to find. True authenticity is rare, but when you embrace it, you can shine through – just like her.

It’s not her secret. You have it within you – you are her.

These are seven traits that set her apart from all the rest.

. . .

1.She doesn’t seek perfection, instead she owns her flaws.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” – Brené Brown

The term that goes with authenticity is a “radical self-acceptance”.

An authentic woman knows that “ perfect” is subjective.  She knows perfection doesn’t exist and  doesn’t try to keep up with society’s standards either. 

Instead, she accepted herself for who she is.It’s a balance between loving everything about oneself and embracing all  imperfections rather than focusing on them as things that lessen our value.

People are drawn to this kind of healthy confidence because no human body is perfect. People who are able to embrace it, especially in today’s society, is a rare trait.

It’s that condice from within we all want and her self-assurance inspires us. We want to be around this energy because somehow we hope it will seep into our own personalities too.

. . .

2.She prioritises taking care of herself first, and  encourages others to do it, too.

“You cannot pour from an empty cup”

An authentic woman knows it. She doesn’t doesn’t let herself be pushed into things that she doesn’t want to do. She will be honest when she needs some time for herself by setting boundaries. This includes saying “no” when she needs to and often even more than she says “yes”.

One of the good things about this trait is that an authentic person has a strong sense of self and she is able to express it. And it shows. 

By protecting her inner side from negativity – she protects others from that effect on those around her.

Once her cup is filled, she can make you a priority and give full attention – makes you feel heard, understood and known.

. . .

3. She is not afraid to admit she was wrong, and isn’t afraid to apologise for it, either.

“We’re often afraid of looking at our shadow because we want to avoid the shame or embarrassment that comes along with admitting mistakes.” — Marianne Williamson

This goes with being able to admit fault and apologising for it. Confidence is attractive but arrogance and ego are usually a red flag. 

An authentic woman knows when to listen and understand the perspectives. To her it is clear that not everything needs to be a battle.

One attribute of authenticity is vulnerability.

Many people consider being vulnerable a sign of weakness. But it is actually a strength. This takes courage to open herself up and share her fears, insecurities, and even dreams with others.

Authentic woman is not ashamed to show up as she is and that’s why is able to build and make meaningful connections with others.

. . .

4. She values experiences and people more than materialistic things.

She may indulge in expensive or luxurious things if she wants to, but doesn’t make them her priorities. 

An authentic woman recognizes the value of material things and money, but she knows that the things that last and truly matter in life are understanding and love.

The relationships and time spent out living life are the most important. We want to be surrounded and appreciate friends who ask “how are you” and they mean it, who are there for us when we need them.

An authentic woman puts in effort in time spent with loved ones and looking back on with absolutely no regrets.

. . .

5. She recognizes that she’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and that she will never be able to please everybody.

“Anyone who tries to keep all the people happy all the time will never fulfil their destiny.” — Joyce Meyer

“Anyone who tries to keep all the people happy all the time will never fulfil their destiny.” — Joyce Meyer

Nobody likes criticism. An authentic woman accepts that this is part of life and that not everyone is going to like her.

Negativity and criticism we all receive from time to time, but how many of us use it to our advantage and learn from it and become stronger? Authenticity is about not letting those things stop you from being yourself or do whatever you want to do.

Yes, we can learn from it. But there it ends. Authentic confidence is about not trying to please everyone. Instead, trusting the truest version of yourself because you can’t live a happy and fulfilling life trying to be someone else.

. . .

I will end with a quote about what it truly means to be authentic. It’s an excerpt from Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection:

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough. Authenticity demands Wholehearted living and loving—even when it’s hard, even when we’re wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we’re afraid to let ourselves feel it.”